Thanks to my pre-event planning meetings and unflappable personality, your event will always be safe in my hands. I’m always on time, work to your schedule and will bend over backwards (not literally – that’s not part of my act… well not anymore!) to make your event memorable. I scrub up well, too. I’m a dinner jacket and bow tie kind of guy (think Daniel Craig from a distance) so I always look smart ­– and if that’s too posh for you, I can always ‘dress down’.

Actually, don’t, she’s very nice! And I really don’t do those sorts of gags. My kind of comedy is more of a quick-witted, self-deprecating style that’s suitable for all audiences and events. And I don’t saw anyone in half or get people running around on stage like chickens (unless you want me to!). My magic and mind-reading is designed for audience participation that everyone can enjoy.

Testing, testing, 1, 2, 3. Hello? Can you hear me? Hello?

A dodgy microphone is bad news for a host. But not for me. I never let a little technical glitch faze me, so while the techie bloke twiddles with his knobs (leave it, madam!), I’ll carry on entertaining. With years of experience I know how to work a room and keep an audience engaged and interested.

… and that’s a good thing. I don’t come with a celebrity price tag or the world-weariness of somebody famous who might take the money, read from a script then go home. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll take the money, thank you very much, but I care about your event and will always go that extra mile to make it a success.